How long has it been, between this update and the last? I figured it must have been a while. Apparently, the last time I actually blogged was two days before my birthday this year, in mid-March. A lot has happened since then, but most already know the details so I will not get into too much detail.
In a nutshell, it seemed like they decided that I was too different from them and I didn't want to be put down by them anymore so we went our separate ways. It's been very hard. Basically what happened was that they said that I was TOO young, TOO immature, and was also called stupid by one of their husbands just because I did not agree with their politics. It's been pretty degrading and I hated it. Still, I think I'm better off for it. If they cannot accept me at my worst, then they do not deserve me at my best.
Anyway, there is this one movie that almost never fails to make me cry at a certain point. It's a chick flick. In fact, it's even less (for lack of a better term) than a chick flick, it's a
TEEN chick flick, by the name of "A Cinderella Story", starring Hilary Duff as Sam Montgomery and Chad Michael Murray as Austin Ames. You may be thinking, "It's just a chick flick. Why would you cry? I thought you liked Action movies."
Fact: I like romantic comedies more than I do action flicks.
Bet you never saw that one coming. Anyway, back on track. There is one particular scene in the movie that strikes me deep in the heart every time, and it's just after Sam chastises Austin in the boy's locker room of their high school, just before the championship football game. Heading out into the darkened school corridor, Sam is met by her best friend Carter Farrell (played by Dan Byrd), who says "... I thought you could use a friend, c'mere." and hugs her.
This scene
ALWAYS gets me. It doesn't matter how often I've seen the movie, or if I fast-forward to this particular scene, it always gets me. And it makes me feel extremely lonely. Makes me feel like I'm a shitty friend, makes me feel like I never had a friend like that, who would go out of their way to just give me a hug. Movies like these always have the main protagonist and their best friend, or BFF. Looking back at my life, I never really had one. Ever. My imaginary friends don't count.
I've always striven to be a good friend. I really have. But when people expect certain things of you, you just kinda break down and shatter. Or at least that's what happened with me. I try to be the friend I want to have, know what I mean? I
try not to be too judgmental, I
try to be there for them whenever, I
try to comfort them when they're down. I
try. But that's all I can do, try. Am I not trying hard enough?
I feel awful because most of my friends are in Singapore, and I can't always be there for them the way I was before, with midnight walks downtown just talking, phonecalls and whatnot, and being actually able to meet up or communicate without the issue of timezones getting in the way. Now that a few of my friends are having problems, I cannot truly be there for them and it makes me feel like crap.
Or maybe it's just my lack of self-esteem.
Either way, long-distance relationships, be they between friends, families or otherwise are just difficult to handle, and very trying on a person. AND THEY SUCK. Big time. So word of advice to anyone in, going into a long-distance relationship of ANY kind, be careful. Be very, very careful. You
have to be prepared for what is in store, and believe me... it's not pretty. But patience brings the greatest rewards, so it's not ALL bad.
And to my friends out there in Singapore and otherwise, even though I may not chat with you as often as I did, I'm always here for you if you need me.